Clergy Reflections on Elul: Returning to the Past

Clergy Reflections on Elul: Returning to the Past

Rabbi Jon Hanish 2025

I turn into the wrong gate and end up outside the home of the cemetery’s groundskeeper. As I clumsily turn my rental around, I see the groundskeeper in the distance silently mowing the grass between the remains of the past. He doesn’t notice me as I exit his driveway. I find the right gate — a gate I have entered a hundred times before — on my second try. I quietly park my car. Off in the distance a funeral is in process. While I can’t hear their prayers or their sobs, I can sense their loss.

When I was a boy, my father’s grave sat alone. As the years have come and gone, others have moved into his neighborhood. Closest to him are family members — my mother to his left and two of my uncles in front of him. There’s even a bench with the name “Hanish” nearby purchased by one of my aunts.

After getting out of my car, I take a few photos of the four headstones and then sit on the bench. Throughout my life, there are only a handful of times I’ve gone to the cemetery alone. These are always cathartic moments when I can talk to my parents and my uncles with words I don’t need to edit due to the proximity of others. I can speak from my heart and share my life with them in any way I choose. As I speak, I also remember – I remember them and how the roles they played in my life have shaped me into the person I am today.

Unlike most California cemeteries, the Jewish cemetery in Louisville allows for standing headstones. My father’s rectangular headstone is reddish with a rough, rocky surface with an image of the scales of justice upon its face. My mother’s headstone is shaped like a marquis cut diamond and has a black shiny surface with an image of the tree of life upon its face. One image represents the rule of law while the other heart-felt spiritual belief.

I notice how the majority of the headstones behind them are all grey. None are red or black. My parents’ headstones stand out as unique. But, then I notice, while side by side, they share no other similar characteristics, not even a last name since my mother remarried after my father’s passing. If these headstones were pieces of furniture, you wouldn’t place them in the same room. I smiled at this thought and how apropos it feels.

My parents were quite different. One was a KY born, bred and raised lawyer who lived in a home above the family grocery store with his parents and his three brothers. These four brothers assisted each other in moving beyond a life of poverty. My mother lived in a Manhattan apartment with her parents and her sister, her father a lawyer. If not for a weekend singles event in the Catskills, they would’ve never met. Yet, they did meet and they married. They formed a life together for a little over a decade before my father unexpectedly passed.

As I sit staring at their graves, I remember how much they gave me emotionally and genetically and how I am a merging of these two individuals. I am reminded that each day is created by a thousand yesterdays. We want to believe we live in the moment and that each moment is fresh and original but moments are not singular events, they are outgrowths of our past experiences. Our actions, our thoughts, our words — they are determined by who we have been, filtered through our past, and then shared with our world in the present moment. Our parents, no matter the number of years they were in our lives and how many years since they have passed, play a role in each new word we speak and action we take.

The month of Elul is a period of reflection prior to entering the High Holy Days. Tradition teaches us that during this month we should visit the graves of family members. By visiting, we remember how we continue the legacies started by those no longer on this earth.

Will you take the time to stand by the final resting places of your family members in order to reflect on your past so that you build a stronger tomorrow?

****

The month of Elul precedes Jewish High Holy Days. It begins on Monday August 25 and ends on September 23. Each Friday night of Elul we will sound the shofar to begin our service and recite Psalm 27.

****

For more information on Elul go to:

From the Reform Movement: https://reformjudaism.org/learning/answers-jewish-questions/what-elul

From the Reconstructionist Movement: https://www.reconstructingjudaism.org/article/preparations-during-month-elul/

From Ritualwell:

https://ritualwell.org/topic/month-elul/

From Thetorah.com:

https://www.thetorah.com/article/a-faith-that-includes-doubt-psalm-27

****

Websites for updates on the state of Jewish affairs:

RAC (Religious Action Center of the Reform Movement)

https://rac.org/